Silent House

Is it horrible that I cry because I do not want to be home?

Home is supposed to be a place where you do not have to feel self-conscious or worry about what you say. I'm not saying that my home is a bad place, it is just not the right place for me.

I am fortunate enough to have two parents who love me. I am not abused, or neglected, and they do the best they can to provide for us. We are a typical middle class family who are fortunate enough to say that we have done well.

I cry because I cannot speak. When I am with friends I can say what I feel and they either agree or disagree and we know that we all have different opinions and respect that. At home I cannot say what I feel because my family cannot understand that my opinion may be radically different than theirs. My parents tell me to "just bite your tongue" when I am around the other one. It shouldn't be this way.

Both of my parents talk to me and tell me things that they do not tell each other, then I am supposed to keep all of this information bottled up for them. I am simply an outlet for their frustrations, worries, problems, and thoughts; and it is killing me. My mental state is slowly unraveling and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I can feel myself losing control of my mind and it scares me. I am barely getting by in my own life and with my own worries and frustrations, I cannot handle theirs too. I cannot tell them to leave me alone because they are my parents, but I cannot live this way anymore. I can't.